Everything is breaking down. Life is choosing the worst time to crash down on me. I hate it. I hate all the quarrels.
I hate wanting to be anorexic but always failing failing failing. I hate the bitch I am. I hate the way I'm always so lonely these days, alone alone alone, wondering around, but never with a destination to go to. I hate the way I eat and eat and don't hate it. I hate the way I hate myself. But I Hate myself. And that won't change. I still hate myself.
I hate the way I can't control my eating. I hate the way I can't control my life.
I hate everything. I hate the way my life keeps crashing down. I HATE EVERY STUPID DETAIL OF MY LFIE.
I just hate EVERYTHING. Sometimes I wish I could DIE. And DIE AND DIE AND FREAK SO I DON'T HAVE TO BLOODY CARE ABOUT THE WORLD. or how I look. Or what people think of me.
sometimes I wish I were dead.
DEAD DEAD DEAD.
I'm not mad. I'm scared of dying too. But life's so hard. Alone. Cornered by the people around me. Oppressed. Silenced.
Sometimes I wish I could indulge in anorexia, because then I will love myself.
And I'm afraid people will see this side of me. Because they will do something,
To 'HELP' me. But help will break me down. And force me to the edge of my patience. Evoke my anger.
I don' need counselling or doctors. I just need love.
And the world can't give me that. It's a pity, isn't it?